Pencils Down
Oct. 3rd, 2005 11:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alfvaenI'm really having trouble deciding if I should sign up for NaNoWriMo this year. Of course, at this moment signups are disabled while they upgrade the site--I gather October 1st's numbers this year slowed things to a crawl--so I can postpone the decision. Really, I can postpone it until November 1st, or even later, but if I'm going to do it I'd like to decide soon enough that I can join in on the forums a little bit before November.
I've done it for the past four years--in 2001 the signup deadline was earlier, but I wrote my novel anyway. Last year I even tried NaNoWriYe, effectively trying to write three novels over the year. I didn't really make it, but I wrote two and a novella, anyway.
Last night I posted excerpts from a bunch of unfinished works, including five novels I've written first drafts of in the past four years. I'm wondering if I really need another one. It's not like I don't have ideas--I have at least two ideas, not counting ones I've already started and which are thus technically out of bounds for NaNoWriMo. But the pile of first drafts is taunting me, reminding me that I've really got nothing in any kind of final, submissible form.
So I should really do revisions on what I've already got. Or finish one of my already-started works, like "The Soul-Stealers", which may be most of the way there. I can't technically do it under the aegis of NaNoWriMo, but I could ignore that and just try to write 50,000 words total, on more than one project. But it feels like I'm undercutting the support I get from other people who are working on novels, like I'm cheating, frankly.
Reading a recent post by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
misia on abandoning the life of a classical musician, and reading a chapter on "The Ambivalent Writer" in Betsy Lerner's Forest For The Trees, are making me question whether I really want to write at all. I'm not driven, for one thing. My urge to write is frankly sporadic, so I don't feel like one of those people who has to write or they go crazy. In fact, the urge that leads me to write is often satisfied by other things, like making lists or working on the wiki or reading or doing puzzles or playing strategy games. I seem to have a certain amount of skill at writing, which far surpasses my pitiful talents for, say, songwriting or drawing or sculpting or dancing, and sometimes it's fun. But not often enough.
I like positive feedback on my writing. I liked writing short stories for talk.bizarre, or alt.pub.dragons-inn, because it was immediate. Not like writing a story, or a novel, and then trying for months or years to convince someone to show it to other people for you. It's one reason why I've dabbled in fanfic recently. Posting short pieces on the net is a great way to get immediate feedback.
And, of course, there's the fact that I still flounder when I try to revise. Short stories are bad enough, though I have managed one or two of those. Novels daunt me mightily, and while I can talk about what I need to do, and how to organize it, I have yet to really follow through with it. Maybe it's a skill I could learn. But do I want to? Wouldn't I rather do fun things? Things that pay off now? Usually, I would.
I know enough about the realities of writing, and being a writer, that it's not about fame and fortune--maybe one in a million writers gets to be Stephen King or Neil Gaiman or Robert Jordan or J.K. Rowling and make that big an impact. Nicole might, if she can make it through the publishers in the first place. She's committed, she's driven, and she gets better every year. I don't have the energy.
That's part of it, too--I'm working full-time, and then there's the kids, and by the time they're in bed all I feel like doing is vegging out in front of the computer(or the TV, as long as there's something good on), most days. Even things I used to do frequently, like keeping up with book cataloguing or replying to email, get pushed aside to days when I actually have some energy, perhaps on a weekend. Except that weekends are when all the household chores get put off to, because I don't have the energy in the evenings. The occasional three-day weekend is where most things get done, if we're not visiting with relatives. And avoiding housework and exercise can be work, too, because I don't feel like I can actually accomplish anything else while I'm avoiding work.
I've got lots of reasons not to write, in other words, and very few reasons to write. A lot of my friends are writers, online and in real life, and there's a certain amount of peer pressure from them, but it just makes me retreat into my shell. Go away, I'd rather do fun things. Don't wanna work. Don't wanna do hard things. Haven't got the gumption.
So, do I spend a significant portion of my free time over the month of November writing another first draft that will sit in a queue behind the first five? Do I try to use the transient sense of community to push myself into doing some sort of writing? Or maybe it's NaNoWriMo that makes me sick of writing, pushing me hard for a month so that I eagerly reclaim my free time on December 1st. Never mind that before NaNo I rarely got as much as a thousand words done a month, or a year.
Maybe I should try to write 50,000 words in a year instead of a month. That's only 137 words a day, although it's certain I won't write every day, so that's 959 words a week, which is starting to sound like real work. And, once again, what do I write? Writing to a word count only really works if you're writing new text--revising is harder to quantify. And harder to do.
On the other hand, if I don't sign up, then they'll delete my userid out of the database, and maybe some other Alfvaen will pirate it. But if I do sign up and don't write anything, then I'm a failure. Do I still have to prove myself? I wrote for four years, coming in just barely over the quota each time(just under the first year, since I was entirely unofficial). Haven't I proven enough? I've proven I can write 50,000 words that approximate a novel. Do I want to do more? NaNoWriMo won't help me with that. So what good is it?
Am I a writer or not? Is that part of my identity? Or am I just someone who writes once in a while, sold a few stories, but isn't really serious about it? If so, why should I go crazy about it one month of the year?
Do I sound like I've decided anything yet? Because I don't feel like I have.
I've done it for the past four years--in 2001 the signup deadline was earlier, but I wrote my novel anyway. Last year I even tried NaNoWriYe, effectively trying to write three novels over the year. I didn't really make it, but I wrote two and a novella, anyway.
Last night I posted excerpts from a bunch of unfinished works, including five novels I've written first drafts of in the past four years. I'm wondering if I really need another one. It's not like I don't have ideas--I have at least two ideas, not counting ones I've already started and which are thus technically out of bounds for NaNoWriMo. But the pile of first drafts is taunting me, reminding me that I've really got nothing in any kind of final, submissible form.
So I should really do revisions on what I've already got. Or finish one of my already-started works, like "The Soul-Stealers", which may be most of the way there. I can't technically do it under the aegis of NaNoWriMo, but I could ignore that and just try to write 50,000 words total, on more than one project. But it feels like I'm undercutting the support I get from other people who are working on novels, like I'm cheating, frankly.
Reading a recent post by
misia on abandoning the life of a classical musician, and reading a chapter on "The Ambivalent Writer" in Betsy Lerner's Forest For The Trees, are making me question whether I really want to write at all. I'm not driven, for one thing. My urge to write is frankly sporadic, so I don't feel like one of those people who has to write or they go crazy. In fact, the urge that leads me to write is often satisfied by other things, like making lists or working on the wiki or reading or doing puzzles or playing strategy games. I seem to have a certain amount of skill at writing, which far surpasses my pitiful talents for, say, songwriting or drawing or sculpting or dancing, and sometimes it's fun. But not often enough.I like positive feedback on my writing. I liked writing short stories for talk.bizarre, or alt.pub.dragons-inn, because it was immediate. Not like writing a story, or a novel, and then trying for months or years to convince someone to show it to other people for you. It's one reason why I've dabbled in fanfic recently. Posting short pieces on the net is a great way to get immediate feedback.
And, of course, there's the fact that I still flounder when I try to revise. Short stories are bad enough, though I have managed one or two of those. Novels daunt me mightily, and while I can talk about what I need to do, and how to organize it, I have yet to really follow through with it. Maybe it's a skill I could learn. But do I want to? Wouldn't I rather do fun things? Things that pay off now? Usually, I would.
I know enough about the realities of writing, and being a writer, that it's not about fame and fortune--maybe one in a million writers gets to be Stephen King or Neil Gaiman or Robert Jordan or J.K. Rowling and make that big an impact. Nicole might, if she can make it through the publishers in the first place. She's committed, she's driven, and she gets better every year. I don't have the energy.
That's part of it, too--I'm working full-time, and then there's the kids, and by the time they're in bed all I feel like doing is vegging out in front of the computer(or the TV, as long as there's something good on), most days. Even things I used to do frequently, like keeping up with book cataloguing or replying to email, get pushed aside to days when I actually have some energy, perhaps on a weekend. Except that weekends are when all the household chores get put off to, because I don't have the energy in the evenings. The occasional three-day weekend is where most things get done, if we're not visiting with relatives. And avoiding housework and exercise can be work, too, because I don't feel like I can actually accomplish anything else while I'm avoiding work.
I've got lots of reasons not to write, in other words, and very few reasons to write. A lot of my friends are writers, online and in real life, and there's a certain amount of peer pressure from them, but it just makes me retreat into my shell. Go away, I'd rather do fun things. Don't wanna work. Don't wanna do hard things. Haven't got the gumption.
So, do I spend a significant portion of my free time over the month of November writing another first draft that will sit in a queue behind the first five? Do I try to use the transient sense of community to push myself into doing some sort of writing? Or maybe it's NaNoWriMo that makes me sick of writing, pushing me hard for a month so that I eagerly reclaim my free time on December 1st. Never mind that before NaNo I rarely got as much as a thousand words done a month, or a year.
Maybe I should try to write 50,000 words in a year instead of a month. That's only 137 words a day, although it's certain I won't write every day, so that's 959 words a week, which is starting to sound like real work. And, once again, what do I write? Writing to a word count only really works if you're writing new text--revising is harder to quantify. And harder to do.
On the other hand, if I don't sign up, then they'll delete my userid out of the database, and maybe some other Alfvaen will pirate it. But if I do sign up and don't write anything, then I'm a failure. Do I still have to prove myself? I wrote for four years, coming in just barely over the quota each time(just under the first year, since I was entirely unofficial). Haven't I proven enough? I've proven I can write 50,000 words that approximate a novel. Do I want to do more? NaNoWriMo won't help me with that. So what good is it?
Am I a writer or not? Is that part of my identity? Or am I just someone who writes once in a while, sold a few stories, but isn't really serious about it? If so, why should I go crazy about it one month of the year?
Do I sound like I've decided anything yet? Because I don't feel like I have.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-04 11:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-04 03:45 pm (UTC)I would agree it would probably be more worthwhile to finalize a nearly-complete work. There shouldn't be any pressure. (I really HATE that NaNoWriMo deletes usernames. I didn't know that. How lame. After only one November?!)
Maybe editing should work by chapters. For example, if the book has twelve chapters already written, the twelth one being the ending, then you have to edit and finalize one chapter per month and it'll be done by next year's NaNoWriMo. And you'll have a complete book! (If you don't decide to rearrange plots points as you're going and alter first chapters after you've done last chapters... Maybe work backwards...)
Anyway, I think you shouldn't have to sign up, and that you can still be a writer even if you don't go crazy.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-07 04:51 pm (UTC)Actually, you'd only get eleven chapters done. And my chapters are often quite short. A twelve-chapter book isn't that long, either. And some revisions can't be done on the chapter level. If you decide you want to add a new subplot, or a character, or delete one, that often requires changes throughout, so unless you planned every single change you want to do before your year started, you have to jump around and backtrack.
I signed up, mostly to keep my username. They delete them because so many people don't come back the next year. I suppose I don't know if they block other people from signing up with that name or not. They might do that, keep them in an inactive folder but still count them in the list of unique names.